This topic came up for me when my husband and I were watching “Californication” on Showtime. If you’ve never seen it, the lead character, Hank Moody (aptly named) gets tons of women to sleep with him despite the fact that he is a marginally-employed, childish, chain-smoking drunk. Men on the show are always wondering how he does it, but his appeal was obvious to me; Hank is a man who loves women.
You might be thinking, “but that’s all hetrosexual men, right?” No, men who love women are few and far between. Most men lust women and they might love one woman, but as a gender, they don’t love women.
You see, Hank (and his kind) are fascinated by women. They want to study the way women dress and undress, what they say and don’t say, how they smell, taste, laugh, cry and come. And all this research is done first hand. For a woman who normally falls into a man’s interest category somewhere below his favorite sport, his career, and some of his friends; this attention is heady stuff. She can overlook all sorts of faults in the name of being his number one favorite past time. And a man who loves women doesn’t criticize or judge the object of his obsession. He loves curves and muscles, tall and short, blonde and brunette, high-maintenance and easy-care. He wants to study her, not change her. (insert a collective swoon here).
That is the problem though, that he loves women, all women. Just like Hank in the series, he can’t pick just one woman because they are all so incredible. For him to focus on one woman for life would be like a woman having one exquisite chocolate, for the rest of her life. Often, she would see and want to try something new in the wide world of chocolates. So Hank is called a player, a serial dater, a cheater (because he is), but his intention is never to hurt a woman, only to meet and study a few hundred more.
I dated a Hank for a while in my 20’s. It was exciting, romantic, sexy, confusing and heartbreaking. He cheated on me constantly and I kept my head in the sand, because his rapt attention was so rare and addictive. In the end I cried for weeks on end and hated myself for allowing it to go on.
But glorious hindsight has given me a new perspective on Hank Moody men. Truly smart girls avoid them all together, but then truly smart girls also avoid drinking, skydiving, skinny dipping and tattoos. (excitement in general). A Hank Moody is a someone to be enjoyed in your life, once. If you buy your ticket for this ride with your eyes open, you will appreciate the pleasure and be a little more prepared for the pain.
But never, never attach yourself to him in any way. This is not a man with whom you should share an apartment, checking account, dog, last name or child.